A completely valid list of reasons I can’t exercise today

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Physical activity is more important than ever during the Covid-19 pandemic. Insufficient physical activity is a global health problem and has itself been referred to as a pandemic. — British medical journal

The No. 1 Reason I Decided Not to Exercise Today? It’s the wrong day. Tuesdays are terrible. Wednesday is worse. Let’s forget Thursday. Oh, and September really doesn’t work for me either.

A close second? It’s too early in the day. I mean, I only woke up seven hours ago. You have to respect your circadian rhythm. Why else would you bother having a biological clock?

In addition, I exercised three weeks ago. That should qualify as momentum. In any case, all experts warn against exaggeration. That’s why I undermine it. Doing too little inevitably prevents exaggeration.

If I exercised today, I would also have to shower. That requires a lot of water. I’m just trying to be super sustainable here, folks!

It would also help me to actually be in the mood to exercise. Unfortunately, I never feel like exercising. But you never know. The muse can come in any moment now.

Starting an exercise routine can be overwhelming. Here’s how to get started.

Besides, I’m getting tired of what you call occasional exercise, the kind that comes from normal daily activities. I floss vigorously. I do butterfly curls with my fork while eating. It all counts.

I also have too much else to do today. I highly doubt all those emails in my junk file will just delete themselves. And someone needs to watch YouTube videos of babies frolicking with puppies, and vice versa.

And I’m just too hungry to blow up my quads right now. All dieticians warn that you should never do downward dog while craving Nutella. Or when it’s full. Or – my personal policy – anytime between meals or snacks. If you refrain from unnecessary exercise, it will facilitate digestion.

And what if I start my fitness routine to end up interrupted? Things always come up. Bypassing the drill guarantees that nothing can interrupt it. Ever.

If only I belonged to a gym, I would be more motivated to exercise.

Or if I had an expensive personal trainer yelling at me in impenetrable language.

Or even just a workout buddy who never yelled at me in impenetrable language.

Or if sweatpants looked better on me. Or I could avoid cramps in my body in places I didn’t even know I had places. Or I had the right app to track my stats down to the decimal point. Or my hair stayed in place while my body sweated to the oldies. Or the humidity would decrease. Or I knew how to do any kind of exercise in the first place. Or I could almost immediately get exactly the results I envision for myself. Or I could have realistic expectations about my chances of becoming the next Mr. to become Olympians.

Super short workouts can be surprisingly effective

If only all those factors came together – that, my friends, would be a game changer. The long-awaited new me—chiseled, carved, torn, shredded, and jacked to the limit—would finally appear in my mirror.

Am I really asking that much? I mean, everyone gets out of shape sometimes.

It’s probably just my age, even though I’m still well under 100.

Just thinking about these reasons is exhausting. I better lie down and catch my breath.

Bob Brody, a consultant and essayist, is author of the memoir “Playing Catch With Strangers: A Family Guy (Reluctantly) Comes of Age.”

The Valley Voice
The Valley Voicehttp://thevalleyvoice.org
Christopher Brito is a social media producer and trending writer for The Valley Voice, with a focus on sports and stories related to race and culture.

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