Ask Amy: I want a silent wedding reception. Fiance says no



dear amy: My fiancé and I are planning our wedding. As a bride, I intend to take certain requests from my guests to ensure that my special day is as perfect as possible. For example, I ask that my guests wear only yellow during the ceremony.

My fiancé supported me, but he angrily rejected my other request: that our guests remain silent during both the ceremony and reception (to make sure the focus stays on us). My fiancé said this is irrational. He doesn’t want a silent wedding.

I know it’s unusual. I’ve never heard of anyone else having one, but we’ve had them in my family. The guests are not allowed to speak at all during the ceremony and the only toasts allowed are from the mothers of the bride and groom. Instrumental music will play softly.

During the reception, guests may whisper among themselves, but not out loud. As a newlywed couple, we should only focus on each other instead of rowdy guests.

I know it’s a lot to ask, but I think I should have the wedding I want so that the start of our life together will be perfect. I want him to support me, even when we disagree on something.

Is my fiancé’s lack of understanding and support a red flag?

Silence: Congratulations! You are about to reach Legendary Bridezilla status. Yes, there are many flags flying over this unusual affair (and they are yellow, of course).

I hope your fiancé is paying attention because if you’re that self-centered now, I can only imagine what the dynamic will be like later on, say, if you choose to have kids.

Somewhere along the line, you seem to have gotten the idea that a wedding is just for the bride, to serve her whims and fantasies. No. Public weddings are family events and should celebrate the reunion of two families.

It’s not your fiancé’s job to support you, no matter how stupid your ideas are. That’s not how marriage works.

Let’s start with your request that all guests wear yellow. I have yet to see a man’s yellow outfit that didn’t resemble a giant banana.

Let’s move on to the silence. In general, guests do not speak during wedding ceremonies unless asked to read. But a silent reception? Aside from some traditions associated with a Quaker wedding (which yours obviously isn’t), the idea of ​​a silent reception fits your color scheme well: bananas, basically.

If you don’t want rowdy guests, limit (or don’t serve) alcohol. If you want to have the focus solely and exclusively on yourself, get married in a small room, standing in front of a mirror.

dear amy: My husband and I invited my side of the family for Thanksgiving dinner. However, our niece and nephew asked if they could bring an extra five people to our dinner.

We don’t know these people (except for two of them), so my husband said no, because two newborn babies were on the way, but we think it’s especially rude of our niece and nephew to ask.

We would have accepted the two people we knew, but absolutely nothing else. What is your opinion about this?

Anxious: Thanksgiving is traditionally a dinner where the spirit is one of openness and hospitality. It is also traditionally a dinner party that can be quite challenging to prepare and host.

My basic point is that it’s not necessarily rude to ask to bring more guests unless the request itself makes the hosts feel pushed into a corner, which this request clearly did. Five people is a lot of extra people to accommodate.

They asked, the answer was no, and – assuming they graciously accepted the answer – I hope everyone moved on.

dear amy: I think you misunderstood in your response to “Clean, please!She was about to move in with a friend whose apartment was very dirty.

You suggested that she should have entered her boyfriend’s messy apartment on the first date and said, “No, no, no.” That is mean!

She should feel comfortable enough with a boyfriend she’s moving in with to bring up difficult issues. She should bring this up in a kinder way.

A: I was a bit sardonic. My overall point was that she should have been honest about the condition of the apartment very early on.

©2022 by Amy Dickinson distributed by Tribune Content Agency

The Valley Voice
The Valley Voice
Christopher Brito is a social media producer and trending writer for The Valley Voice, with a focus on sports and stories related to race and culture.


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