Some people are fans of the Minnesota Vikings. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Minnesota Vikings. This 2022 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.
Your team: Fuck me sideways.
Your 2021 record: 8-9, which doesn’t even begin to tell the story of how unpleasant this team was to watch a year ago. Perhaps this would be more illustrative:
You know what? Nope. That’s also inadequate. If I really wanted to show you how miserable the Vikings were in 2021, I would drive to your house, douse myself in gasoline, and then ride your stovetop like it was a mechanical bull.
I wouldn’t wish the 2021 Vikings on anyone, except for people I don’t care for. No one on this team got vaccinated, so much so that Chad Graff of The Athletic reported that younger Vikings were afraid to get vaccinated, lest they incur the ire of the unvaccinated Pro Bowlers on the roster. One of the few Vikings players who did get vaxxed on the team ended up hospitalized with COVID-19 thanks to his freedom-loving teammates. They lost their best defensive player for the season, for a second straight season. They blew a game against the eventual AFC champion Bengals when their (unvaccinated) running back fumbled in overtime. They blew a game to Arizona the following week when their kicker—stop me if you’ve heard this one before—missed a potential game-winning field goal at the gun. They lost a Sunday Night game, also at the gun, to the immortal Cooper Rush. They blew a two-touchdown lead in the second half to Baltimore. They gifted Detroit its first win of the season when their secondary gave Amon-Ra St. Brown a six-yard cushion in their own end zone. Again, at the gun. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING OUT THERE? SWAPPING RECIPES?